Advice For Men Who Come On Too Strong

You know how to put yourself out there but you keep scaring women off.

If women gave you a chance you could make a great boyfriend but you never make it that far because you seem desperate.

Here’s my advice for men who come on too strong.

Stop Scaring Women Off With These Five Tips

There are plenty of reasons that dates go bad but if you’re worried that you’re the problem then you probably are. Keep these five tips in mind to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Don’t Take Things Too Seriously

When people say nice guys finish last, they’re missing the point. What they really mean is that dating has changed and some men aren’t keeping up.

Showing up for an old school dinner date with a bouquet and sweeping her off her feet may have been the bare minimum in the past but now it’s way, way over the top. This kind of pomp and circumstance puts a lot of pressure on a woman and could easily turn her off instantly.

complimenting a girlInstead, your focus should be on showing her you know how to relax and go with the flow.

A good rule of thumb is no gifts, surprises, or overly affectionate compliments in the first few weeks of spending time together. Save those grand romantic gestures until you’re seeing each other more seriously and then she’ll be thrilled.

You’ll also definitely want to avoid “thirsty comments” on social media (ie. compliments left on a girl’s social media photos or posts).

Quit While You’re Ahead

Attracting a woman means creating an air of mystery. You need to recognize when you’re connecting with a woman and leave her wanting more.

So many guys will get to that point and take a moment of connection as an opportunity to forge ahead right away, asking women out on the spot or overstaying their welcome. This is a sure sign of desperation for any woman.

Instead, leave things on a high note. Make her laugh and then bid her farewell. You’ll find that the next time you see her, she’s going to be much more receptive.

Find Middle Ground

Let’s talk about a familiar pattern. Men who scare women off tend to overcorrect and withdraw romantically in their next encounter.

The next time around they keep to themselves and miss out on opportunities by being too aloof.

Then they get desperate, do something excessive and scare off the next woman they run into.

The good news is once you understand this cycle, you can break it. You’ve shown you’re capable of being the hopeless romantic and the standoffish bad boy. All you need to do is find a middle ground between the two and you’ll be more attractive to women instantly.


This is the real key skill that’s lacking in most men–you need to learn how to flirt without being creepy.

The popularity of dating apps is directly related to men’s inability to safely flirt in regular life. Men with this problem don’t know how to read the signals. They either take flirting too far or avoid it altogether.

Flirting is difficult but if you can figure it out then you’ll have a leg up on most men. Keep the winks and friendly hugs to yourself and instead opt for a more indirect approach. Use humour and gentle teasing to get her attention and interest. You want her to feel charmed, not singled out.

Conquer Your Nerves

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: most people have no idea what they’re doing in social situations.

Those people that seem calm, confident and in control have simply discovered ways to hide their nerves. Whether it’s humour, self deprecation or fidgeting there are plenty of ways to take that nervous energy and use it somewhere else.

Find your own coping mechanism and use it to take the edge off when you’re interacting with a potential date.


Leave a comment
  • She tells me that she wants me around and she is telling that she doesn’t think we will be together but she tells me that she is thinking about me….but when I ask her for a relationship she tells she can’t do it with me because each of personality is different..what should I do

  • I did come off too strong in the second date. Planned a whole meal and after wards went in for the kiss. I think it was fine but I initiated a little beyond that to which she said no and I respectfully backed off. I did drop her home and she messaged me checking if I did reach home and thanked me for doing so.

    I left it alone for a few days regretting my stupidity and tried contacting her after a few days since she had an important assignment due then and I didn’t want to distract. She did respond about how her assignment went but then said that she doesn’t see this going any further for her.

    I’m pretty sure my behavior showed her that I wanted her but not in a secure way which is unfortunate because I think this girl might have been a really good fit. Is there a way to get her back?

    More context: I responded to her message saying thanks for coming back and that I did think about it a lot and I was slightly upset but wished her the best and said that this message was until next time…

    I do think this woman is special and my behavior was the stupidest possible thing in the world. Is there a way I can get her back?

    • Sorry to hear that. What happened to you is the perfect example of what I talked about in “Quit While You’re Ahead.” Trying to do anything at this point would only make things worse. You don’t want to risk losing all the attraction she has for you by looking desperate and needy. Perseverance is a good thing, but only when used right, so lay off for now. You can try sending her a meme or a funny video after a month or two. Basically, build a conversation with a positive atmosphere to excite her. Use the momentum and try asking her out again. If you still hit a snag and don’t get any progress, then I think you should just take the hint and accept the rejection like a gentleman. Good luck!

      • Thanks Kate!

        A few things that genuinely that I could take from your videos was:

        1. To work on myself: Although professionally stable, I’ve realized life circumstances not allowing for me to be with someone has brought out the needy side in me which is really unfair to the other person.

        2. Awareness: I really want to work hard on being more socially cognizant.

        Not super hopeful that’d she’s reconsider after a month or two but can’t fully let it go since I haven’t connected so well with someone – I’ll follow your advise but I’m hoping you can help me dig a little deeper and try and impress her again.

        Spent hours talking to her with neither side getting awkward. Usually takes me 10 minutes to get someone awkward. Again, working on this diligently.

        Apologies for the rant. A private consultation may help when you are open to new clients. Thanks again!

  • Hey Kate
    I’m Jeffrey
    I already am a follower of yours and I receive an email from you regularly. My question is, so I was with this girl for 3 months and things moved kinda fast on both of our sides. And she had been in several toxic relationships before where she had been cheated on and mistreated back to back. So she had a lot of insecurities and I went a little overboard trying to ease those when I shouldn’t have. And she went from one week saying she loved where things are going with us to the next week saying she needs a break from everything and isn’t ready to be with anybody right now. That was at the first of May. Sense then we’ve spoke and texted a little bit. But I’m trying to give her the space she asked for. But we had planned on going to dinner when she gets back from vacation with family. Then one of her friends saw me out eating with my friends and their two kids. A few days later she text me saying “ Hey there! How are you? Sarah said she ran into you at Agave and I just wanted to reach out and say I hope all is well.” This girl sent me tons of mixed signals during the relationship and now I’m just not sure what to think or what to do. Because I don’t know if this is a game, a test, or just a wall of protection she’s built up. I’m 37 years old and I’m a catch. I’m a good looking guy, I’ve got a great career, and I stay in shape. But in all these years I’ve never been able to figure out what is really going on in a woman’s head. 🤦🏻‍♂️
    Any advice would be much appreciated.
    I didn’t know how else to reach you. So I hope me messaging you here is ok.

    • Perhaps her reaching out is a sign that she’s ready to move forward? You did good by giving her the space she’s asking for, but don’t shut her out completely. Respond casually. It’s important to convey that you’re still interested, but make sure you don’t look a little too overeager and desperate. I think it’s great that you know your worth, so you shouldn’t have any problem in that department. The goal is to show her that this relationship is going to be different from her previous, toxic ones, so move in a pace that she’s comfortable with. Good luck Jeffrey!

  • I didn’t mean to put my full name on my comment 🤦🏻‍♂️
    Can that please get changed to anonymous?🙏
    Or just deleted all together and I’ll email you about coaching.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>