Why Having a Type is Holding You Back

I’ve heard it time and time again: “But Kate, she’s not really my type.” My response: “An intelligent, funny, attractive brunette is not our type?” “No, I only date blondes who are younger than me.” And you wonder why you’re still single?

If you haven’t said that you have a type yourself, I’m sure you have heard someone say it. At first glance, people think having a type means they know exactly what they are attracted to and what they think they deserve in a relationship, but the real truth is that attraction rarely has anything to do with adhering to your “type.”

The sad truth about types is that most of the qualifications necessary to match one’s type is a physical quality. And, yes, some physical qualities are more important to people than others, but if you filter your potential dates through your type, you miss out on a lot of attractive and fun women.

If you have only dated the same type of women in your past, and those relationships have unexpectedly always ended, then it might be wise to assess why this might keep happening to you. After all, there is a pattern emerging, and it is not one that leads to success.men's check list for future girlfriend

Having a type is not a bad thing in terms of qualities you want in a partner, but if your list of qualifications gets too long, too narrow, you limit your potential for finding a girlfriend.

Take food, for example, not that women are food, but consider your favorite type of food or restaurant. If you have only ever eaten out at the same handful of restaurants, you deny your taste buds the potential satisfaction of a different flavor! You also limit the range of the possible flavors that you might enjoy and the possible effects that each food might stimulate within you.

The same holds true in terms of women.  Your experience becomes predictable, even quite boring, if you don’t date different women. You stunt your interpersonal growth and prevent yourself from learning new things that might surprise you with what they add to your life. And, most importantly, you might be shocked at the woman that now captivates you with her charm, wit, and personality.

Basically, your type is a fabricated, unrealistic figure created by your mind, and it is keeping you single. Unconsciously, you might even be attracting women that will, in time, reject you.

What’s an example? Do you only approach exotic looking brunettes over 5’5?  Do you repeatedly date only blondes? Or, is your type the funny, athletic girl who can cook, and is intelligent, but not too intelligent that she makes you look stupid? A girl that, amongst all of that, prioritizes your life over hers and goes down on your 4 times a week? Congratulations!! You’ve just created your own barrier to dating real women.

Your type is an unrealistic gauge about who is worthy to date you. This figment of your imagination is a barrier to encounters with real women that want what you want, that is, a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. It is a barrier that you create to keep you single.

People who are successful at dating and have or had meaningful relationships are those who do not adhere to one type of person. Successful men and women meet potential partners and see what transpires. Their focus is on getting to know the girl, not anxiously checking off boxes on their list or waiting for her to reveal your deal breaker. This is how you meet people, organically, naturally. It opens the range of potential women to date. And it expands your world and experiences meeting different types of people from different social circles.

man and woman doing yoga outside

It’s normal and even encouraged to have preferences, likes and dislikes, but it is also important to be open minded. For when you’re young and trying to meet women, you yourself are still growing and changing and if you type cast your dates, you could be missing out of one of the greatest people in your life.

Think about those actors who are type cast. Think Matthew McConaughey pre Dallas Buyer’s Club. Before that film, McConaughey was usually cast in romantic comedies alongside Kate Hudson, another example of type casting.

how to lose a guy in 10 days movie poster

These types of films followed the same pattern: a pair falls in love, something happens that makes them question their love and then, miraculously, by some grand gesture of love, they get back together.

These films have a formula, a pattern to follow. And it just so happens that their stories always end on a positive note because, well, that’s Hollywood and the movie industry for you. In reality, if you type cast your dates, you end up dating the same type of women, and your pattern usually ends the same. You’re rehearsing the same patterns and problems in dating that you’ve already had. It ends with you alone, again. That is why your type is holding you back from meeting potentially wonderful women. The one for which you’ve been longing.

Instead of rehearsing the same patterns with the same results, you might want to try to step outside of your box, relinquish your check list of qualifications your future mrs. must have and just meet go out and meet women. If you used to only go for blondes, try a brunette, or a girl with pink hair. Just try meeting girls from different social circles with different interests and be open to the experience.

In life, there isn’t quite a fine formula where you can type cast your partner and predict how it will go. No, love and attraction isn’t a scientific formula that can be created, but it can be encouraged. So relieve yourself of limitations in an already limited dating pool by giving up on types and meet some wonderful and exciting women.

By all means, have some standards, but get out of your comfort zone and meet someone new, someone different who can expand your horizons and even teach you something new. I guarantee, if anything, meeting new people will teach you something about yourself.

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