How To Approach A Woman (And Have Her Want You!)


There are many methods out there from cheesy pick-up lines to aggressive peacocking, but that’s not what I have for you here.

In my experience, the most effective way a man has caught my attention is by shifting the focus onto me and making me feel like I am the most interesting person in the world, or at least in the room. I can’t give you one simple recipe to make a woman instantly be into you.

However, I can, from personal experience, help you learn to approach a woman in a way that she will want to continue a conversation with you.

Here are three ways to accomplish this: Be light, be curious, and be confident.

Here we go, my first piece of advice is to be light. People, like moths, are attracted to light. And I’m not talking about holding a lamp up to every girl you like. What I mean is be light hearted, and don’t take things too seriously. The first interactions are crucial for creating a positive impression that leaves her wanting more of you.

Women are generally attracted to men who aren’t overly critical of other people. And men who are comfortable enough in their own skin that they can laugh at themselves. Humor is a huge part of attraction. Now, I’m not saying you have to be the next Jerry Seinfeld, but some semblance of a sense of humor is very attractive in men. Laughter also alleviates stress in any first meeting jitters.

It is psychologically proven that people are mirrors of each other in social situations. If you are smiling and laughing, chances are that your female interest will also be smiling and laughing too. This is a good place to start when you meet a girl you like. You want to make her feel as comfortable as possible, given the circumstances of being approached by a stranger. Lightness is creating the space in which your girl will want and feel comfortable enough to share with you. It is a safe space, and an inviting one.

Sharing has everything to do with my second piece of advice. That is to cultivate a genuine interest in her above the waist. That is, be curious about her as a human being, not as an object of your desires. You don’t want to come across as a stalker or someone attempting identity theft. But the more you get the other person talking about themselves, the better your chances are for something important to happen. And bonus! Most people love to talk about themselves.

The more you can get her talking, and the more interest you show in her, the better it will be for you. Ask questions about her, but don’t make it a job interview. Just relax and let the conversation flow naturally. I’ll let you in on a not so little secret that I learned pretty late in my life. That is, that people tend to like the people that like them. I’ll repeat that, people tend to like the people who like them. I wish I had known this sooner!

One of the most important things to remember when you are about to approach a woman you like is to be confident. If you don’t think you’re worthy of her time, then chances are she won’t either.

My third piece of advice is that self-confidence is a very attractive quality in men. And self-confidence is not to be confused with cockiness or being the guy that brags about his excessive partying. Self-confidence reveals itself in not needing to be the centre of attention. It is letting someone else be the focus of the conversation. The guy that is confident and secure in himself will make a girl feel that she is the important one. And this will open the way for him to be able to approach any woman he wants.

One part in creating confidence in your female interest is to say her name. People love the sound of their own name. For example, lets pretend you are going after a girl named Emily. Instead of just saying something like, “thank you” you should say, “thank you, Emily.” It’s super easy to incorporate someone’s name into the conversation, and especially over text. You can help her feel confident by saying her name and asking her questions about herself. And do this in a light and comfortable space where she will want to get to know you too!

It is possible that the initial encounter might be a little shaky. But it doesn’t have to be a completely awkward situation, one that you want to avoid at all costs. The more you engage with people, the better you will get at it. And the easier it will be to feel comfortable in your own discomfort.

Basically, fake it till you make it. Whether that is being a comfortable and confident conversationalist or just being able to approach a girl you like without feeling like you’re talking to her with a mouth full of peanut butter.

One important thing to remember in making someone comfortable to share with you is that there is a fine line between being inquisitive and putting someone on the spot. The first encourages conversation; the second usually ends it.

One way of doing this is asking someone, “What would I be surprised to know about you?” or “what is your hidden talent?” This doesn’t have to be some deep dark secret locked away in the vault. That’s for your drunken entanglements. Not the first meeting. Here she could share one of her more embarrassing stories from childhood or an incident that happened last week in class or at work. Either way, it shouldn’t be like a job interview, where the questions are fact related as opposed to interest centred.

You want to make an impression on someone, make them feel good about themselves, because I guarantee that the girl of interest will remember how you made her feel before she remembers what you said to her. And remember, if you follow my advice, she will have done most of talking.

Be confident in yourself and your abilities. Now all of this might seem pretty obvious to you, but I think by isolating these skills, you will be able to meet a woman and keep her engaged. I’m not advising you to be anything that you aren’t.  As Oscar Wilde said, be yourself; everyone else is taken. So enhance what you already have going for you, but do it in a way that leaves room for her. Depending on the woman you are crushing on, each woman is attracted to different things in men.

Finally, the last nugget of advice I can give to you is to not to be afraid of or devastated by rejection–be resilient. Being rejected by someone is bound to happen from time to time. The more it happens, the more you learn what not to do, and, ultimately, it will become less important to you. That said, we can’t force everyone to like us, but we can have some impact on that decision. And the things mentioned in this video are some of those things that can influence the decision-making process.

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