How to Text a Girl You Just Met

Staring blankly at your phone?

Are you trying to type a message to your crush but nothing seems right?

Wonder what to say to get her attention without scaring her off?

I guarantee that this is a pretty universal occurrence, that feeling of uncertainty when you are about to text someone you like because we haven’t all mastered small talk.

There are so many different opinions on the most effective way to text the girl you’ve just met. In this article, I have compiled the best moves that have been the most successful for my clients in the past, and I am sharing them with you here. I’m sharing them in hopes that you no longer have to feel nervous or completely in the dark about how to text the girl you like.

Grab her attention

The first step is, without a doubt, to capture her attention. People, in general, have busy lives and women are part of that hustle and bustle. It is important for you to capture her attention in such a way that your text stands out and doesn’t remain in the 1 out of 45 unread text group. Your goal is to instil in her a desire to text you back.

Now if you are a beginner, your opening text doesn’t have to be perfect, but it needs to be interesting and it should show off your sense of humour. It doesn’t have to be the perfect combination of sexy, funny, and cute. I wouldn’t stress about it too much, but you need to come up with something that will stop her in her tracks, make her laugh and want to respond.

For example, here is the time to use something that you know about her. If you know some of her interests, then you can use that knowledge in your first text. Is she into kick boxing? Ask her if she’s kicked anyone’s noteworthy ass lately? Is she an artist? Has she painted the next Mona Lisa? Or is she working on your nude portrait series? You can really use any information that you have of her to your advantage in texting.

Tone and Timing

The next thing to consider when texting a girl for the first time is to consider the tone of your text and the timing of it. First, let’s start by addressing tone. Tone is the attitude of your text. You don’t want to convey a tone of being shy or wasting her time.

You want to make a big impression on her in a positive way and you can’t accomplish that by saying, “Sorry, I was just wondering if you wanted to get dinner sometime this week, whenever you’re free and is convenient for you.” The tone of this text sounds desperate, and could, possibly, sound elegant if spoken and written in Shakespearean English; however, this is a new era where texting is like your sexual currency, the better you are at it, the richer you are in terms of how attractive women perceive you to be.

The tone in the example text is apologetic, it gives off an air of desperation. That is not the route you want to take when texting. You want to be witty and declarative. But I’ll get to the declarative part later on. You want to get some banter going.

Now this is where timing comes in. If you have a desperate tone coupled with blowing up her phone, you are giving off the desperate vibe. You are essentially letting her know that you have nothing better to do than to sit around and text her or wait for her to text you back, and this doesn’t turn a woman on.

Generally, the best time of day to text a girl is in the evening. The evening is usually people’s wind down time.  It’s a time for friends and families to catch up on their days.

meme about sending a long text message In saying that, you want to keep the texts somewhat short, which will allow for a quick reply. And if you can do that, then that is the easiest way to stay in touch. But, remember, keep your text messages short and interesting. Tell her something funny about your day. Share an interesting observation and/or a funny video clip or article.

Use of emojis

In texting, since we don’t have the ability to convey non-verbal communication, such as body language or facial expressions, emoji’s let us express facial expressions. They’re also a good indication of being flirty and or joking. It just makes texting more entertaining and allows you to say something without actually verbalizing it.

My only caution is, like with pick up lines, use them sparingly. There has been some evidence that suggest the more a person uses emoji’s the more a person likes you. So, again, since you don’t want to come off as desperate and too eager, use them sparingly—one every second text is the formula I would go with for the best results.

Before we get into the next part in texting, it is also important to note that having a pen pal isn’t your main goal. The purpose for texting is to hang out in person, to go on a date and get together for an activity. So it is important that you broach the subject of spending some time together, but you need to ease into that with this step first. And that is coming up next.

Prompt her to respond

The next stage to consider when texting a girl you like and just met is to give her a reason to respond. By now, you two already have a rapport going, so now it is about asking some questions. By asking questions, I don’t mean, “What’s your favorite color?”

An effective way to make her respond is to bring up something about the city that you both live in. For example, “Hey, have you heard about that new bar/pub that is opening downtown?  It’s a chain from Vancouver.  It has cheap, but delicious food, and it has an excellent selection of beer.”

It doesn’t have to be a bar, pub or restaurant. It could be a museum exhibit, a new activity at the community centre. Anything new and exciting in your town is a really good way to approach this part of the conversation. And it doesn’t matter if she says yes or no to knowing about this new fun place that opened because this is the lead up to the date question, which leads us to our next point. 

Follow up

Following the question you just asked her, instead of asking her, “Would you like to go to the pub this weekend?” try making a statement as opposed to a question. And what I mean by that is, for example, say, “We should hit up the bar this weekend!” And then if she says yes, it is up to you to suggest a day and a time. If she can’t make the time you suggested, give her another option for the day after.

It’s important to be confident here and to also take charge. You want to make it easy for her to say yes to you because you’ve done all the planning.

And then, finally, check in throughout the week leading up to the date. Don’t go radio silent during the lead up. Because you want to make the meet up as comfortable and natural as possible. But that said, don’t text her everyday asking how her day is going. Keep things fresh. Text a funny picture one day. Another day text her and tell her something funny/crazy you saw during your week or day: “OMG! I just saw an old man walking his cat down the street today.” I would caution you against tagging her in 5 Instagram memes every day. And/or blowing up her phone when she doesn’t respond. Doing either of these things sends off a clingy vibe.

But now you have the tools to get going and start texting girls!

Good luck and happy mingling!


Leave a comment
  • I’ve been using more emojis recently when I’ve been texting, and it’s helped quite a bit. I noticed that girls often use them when texting, so it would make sense to do just the same.

    A lot of pickup advice advises against using emojis, but I find that, like you say, it makes your texts more expressive.

    • Hey Trevor, I’m glad that using emojis is working so well for you! I wouldn’t worry too much about whether you should or shouldn’t use them. If they work for you, keep doing it!

  • I downloaded Kate’s book and have been slowly putting into practice. I started on a website and oh my heavens, the persons I am getting to write me back, by using her simple techniques, is absolutely amazing! I am already getting dates lined up… a first when one considers I could be on a website like the one I am on and rarely get a nibble. Now I feel as though I am the candy in the candy shop, just by using Kate’s simple techniques about texting! Gentlemen, or those who can be called such, read her techniques, they work, they really work! And Kate, give me your personal address so I can send you some roses… Thank You! 🙂

  • Hey! Great inspiring post and some great new insides. I had massive texting problems before I didn’t know what I’ve did wrong with girls until I did a little research on YouTube for myself. There are so many videos out there but one was really helpful (i guess it was this one ). Nice eyes opener and your article is a good addition to that. Thanks for your post once again!

  • Hey Kate, what would be a good text to a girl for the holiday? I know Christmas is coming up and want to send her a text on Christmas, that is interesting and not the boring “Merry Christmas” text to her?

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