How To Master Small Talk (And Control The Conversation)


There is something so sexy about a man who can dominate a conversation and can elevate it from ordinary to extraordinary in a matter of words. Typical small talk looks something like this, “How are you?” “What do you do for work?” “Where are you from?”

Sadly, women and men are too familiar with this boring line of questioning when they meet. The job interview type questions. This kind of mind-dulling small talk comes from a place of nervousness. And when you’re nervous in front of a hot woman, your brain turns to mush, and your mouth starts spewing what you’ve been conditioned to understand as appropriate get-to-know-you-banter.

The problem here is that it doesn’t excite a woman to get to know where you work either. However, there is an elevated version of small talk that you can master in order to get to know women quicker and in a more exciting way by just changing what you ask her.

Thankfully, there are steps that you can take to improve your small talk game and, subsequently, can take charge of the conversation.

The first step is to approach the right woman. Don’t go up to the woman that has a resting bitch face and her arms crossed. That woman’s body language is either saying, “I have a boyfriend,” or “I’m not interested.”  Look for the girl in a group of people that is smiling, seems approachable, has an open body posture and is looking around the room. That is someone whose attention you can capture.

I know, I know, small talk is a pain in the ass. Some people despise it and avoid it at all costs, but the good news is that the better you are at it, the easier it becomes, and the more powerful personality you will have. It’s not only a key skill to master for dating, but it is also a skill worth having to be successful in all interpersonal relationships.

When you first approach a woman, do you think to yourself, “wow, I wonder where that girl is from…” Or, “wow, I wonder what that woman does for work…” The chances are that you approached her because something about her physically is attractive to you and you’d like to start a conversation that makes her interested in getting to know you even better.

The answers to the job interview questions don’t really matter when you first meet her. You can find out her middle name and her childhood dog’s name later on. But for now, when you first meet her, focus on getting to know her personality and what excites her. And having a conversation that will make her interested in talking to you again in the future.

You know that person who says, “I hate small talk”; they are on the losing team. And they only dislike it because they are the worst perpetrators of mind-numbing small talk—not the people like you and I who engage in titillating small talk.

Now for some conversation starter examples. Your goal in mastering small talk is to first get any girl’s attention and keep it on you. That way you gain control of the conversation and the situation. This is the best formula to get the results that you want. And it’s an entertaining way to get to know someone.

Here are some example questions to ask a woman you just met. It’s safe to start off with asking her name and once you get through some of the niceties of chatting up women, you can start to ask her some more interesting question, here are a couple of examples that will spice up any conversation:

1.      “What country would you most recommend that I visit?”

2.      “If you could change anything about your childhood or how you were raised, what would it be?”

3.      “Before you make a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say?”

4.      “What does your perfect day look like?”

5.      “When did you last sing to yourself or someone?”

6.      “If you had a superpower, what would it be?”

7.      “Is there something that you dreamt of doing but you haven’t yet? And why?”

8.    “If money weren’t an issue, what would you want to spend the rest of your life doing?”

Did you just try to answer some of those yourself? I did, and it was entertaining.

You might be wondering what the benefits of having a conversation like this are. And I’m glad you’re skeptical because these types of questions keep the conversation light, but they also allow you to get to know the girl who’s answering them.

You can learn about her bad habits, her childhood, where she’s traveled, a lot of things that can help you to steer the conversation in any direction depending on what you ask her.

There is nothing more uncomfortable than meeting someone and then moments later they tell you their entire life story in detail.

When you ask a woman a question such as the ones above, and then she answers, it is also important that you have a response. Don’t make it like 20 questions where she answers and you’re onto the next question. These are just conversation starters. Something to get you going. It’s like a car. A car doesn’t run without gas, and, similarly, a conversation doesn’t start without someone initiating it and steering it.

Since you’re in the driver’s seat, it’s important to stay there. You asked the first question and she answered and hopefully, some conversation has happened after. Once you get through questioning like this, she becomes more comfortable talking to you, being around you, and sharing with you. And this all happened in one meeting.

And, from here, you can pretty much drive the conversation in any direction. But the key thing is to remain in the driver’s seat. And that is not to avoid her questions, but it is always how you deflect and pivot the conversation back to her by allowing her space to talk about herself because everyone’s favorite topic is themselves.

Remember that you are in the driver’s seat when you meet women. And memorize a few of those questions to have at the ready. You never know when you might meet the perfect woman.

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