How To Chat Up Women On Facebook (And Get A Date!)

As opposed to a time when you could really only meet people face to face, through people you know, there are so many new, innovative ways to meet people. But, thanks to technology, the possibilities to meet people and find a date are pretty broad.

With the variety of ways to go about getting a date, it can be either a blessing or a curse. If you chose to look at it as something exciting, then that’s what it is. It can be super hard to think of THE PERFECT thing to say to make you irresistible, but at least you don’t have to have the nerves of being face to face.

Perfect Your Profile

What is the first thing people look at when someone adds them on Facebook? If you thought their profile pictures, you’re right. Having an up to date profile is really going to help your dating game. And it all starts with your profile pictures.

This is where you can pretty much show off your best side and features, the traits a woman craves. Are you outdoorsy? Artistic? Sporty? Whatever you are, you can incorporate these into your profile pictures, which helps us get to know you better.

man playing guitar

It is also important to have some selfies, or pictures where you are the focus, and your face is visible. When you have multiple pictures of yourself and your friends, it is hard for girls to comb through your photos to try and figure out which one is you. This takes away the time we want to spend getting to know you through your profile.

So have an up to date profile. Get rid of old photos of yourself and your ex. Have some selfies and update the “about you” section. This lets people know what type of music, movies, and books you’re into. Don’t forget to mention your place of work and other things that tell us about you. These are all the details that we like to know ahead of getting to know you, and then you can describe it more in depth, in person, or on Facebook chat.

The best type of photo you could use is one that clearly shows your face, and maybe choose one out in a public setting—but definitely not one from your webcam of you sitting at your computer. Those are just awkward photos. Women want you to be not only social and active but also have a life that you can introduce them to. And not just mold into hers.

Make The First Move

Alright, now onto the actual interaction. If you add someone out of the blue, I would guess that, usually, they would accept. Generally, it helps if your profile isn’t locked up like “Fort Knox,” as we want to see some pictures. This helps people feel relieved that they aren’t being “cat fished.” But if you already know the person, then, great, add them. Or if you have just briefly met, adding people on Facebook is a good first step as opposed to getting her phone number right off the bat. That can come later on.

Once you have been added back, it is time to make the first move or send the first message. I caution you against using the, “You are so beautiful,” or typical pick up lines that come across as you worshipping her before you even really know her.

As much as we want to hear that we are beautiful, we also want to work for it. By work for it, I mean we want to hear we are beautiful once you know us more than skin deep. We want you to understand our personality and find that attractive too.

So a good first message would require you to have looked at her profile and find something that she seems interested in, and then introduce yourself. Try to make her feel special. Try to avoid the mundane questions about how her day is. Or the broad questions like, “What are your hobbies and interests?” Questions like that are so open-ended that it can kind of be a conversation deterrent. It’s not an interesting question, so you can’t expect an interesting response.

An example of a good opener would be acknowledging something that she is interested in. “I see you’re into _______,” and then insert something that you can decipher from her profile. Does she ski, horseback ride, read Daniel Steele novels religiously, drink Prosecco like it’s her day job? Either way, you can find something that she does, and start a dialogue with that. To follow, say something kind of cheeky.

For example, say she drinks Prosecco, and you say, “I see Prosecco is your poison of choice. You must be the one responsible for the Prosecco drought.” Something like that. You find something from her profile and then kind of exaggerate it to spark some conversation. You could then go on to say something about her depleting the Prosecco resources some more this weekend. You’re really just trying to break the ice and spark some conversation. And maybe even plan to meet up.

Get The Date

So, once you’ve gotten to know her a bit more, it’s time to ask her to hang out. Or transition to texting. Asking someone to hang out can be pretty daunting. But it becomes less so if you give it some thought ahead of time. Try to come up with an activity, time of day, and possibly day of the week ahead of time.

Make sure you are flexible with the date to accommodate her schedule. But be decisive and have a plan, and don’t be hurt if she suggests something else! Once you come up with a time and place, you can send her your phone number and say, “Here is my phone number in case you get lost on the way or need some tips beforehand.” She will most likely text you her number so that you can have it!


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  • Good Day Kate

    I am Mr John Mark

    I have a little problem my ex girlfriend broke up with me for the past two mounts now. i try all my best to bring her back she never listing to me i beg her more than tree weeks before i stop calling her. four weeks now i don’t call her or send her text message then she sent me text to me today, she is sorry for not checking up on me. even if everything has gone bad between us we could still be close friend like we use to be. what should i do she got a new boyfriend ..

    Mr John mark
    From Texas

    • I’m sorry to hear about what happened John Mark. Your ex sending that text means she still thinks about you and cares about you. That’s a good sign. The new relationship she’s in right now is most likely a rebound that won’t last more than a couple of months. I know it’s harder than it sounds, but you shouldn’t mind too much. My suggestion is that you extend the rule of absence for another 2-4 weeks. Use this time to work on yourself. You will have a better chance of winning her back if you focus on yourself for now.

  • Hi Kate,
    My name is Brian,

    I met a woman on Tinder at noon and by 2pm I could not reach her, could she have blocked me for some reason. Not to mention I have talked to several women on Klique and they will not even say hi. Am I doing something wrong.

  • Good morning. My name is Adrian.
    My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for about 5 months. I stop texting calling for about 2 months we just started talking again. She implied she wants to be friends. I would really like to move pass this. I am very careful about my messages always keeping it light an making her laugh. But I can’t seem to get her to hangout.

    • Good to know you’re back in talking terms now Adrian. I know you want to get back right away, but winning your ex back doesn’t work like magic and these things take time. Just be patient in slowly building back that friendship and trust. Avoid getting into topics that would trigger negative emotions and remind her of the past. As long as you keep things light and exciting, you’re in a good track. Good luck! 🙂

  • Kate,

    Thank you for your website and very helpful, kind, and encouraging comments. I simply don’t see things like this directed at guys too often. I have known a girl on Facebook for several years having had mutual friends. We have met in person before. But we have been messaging pretty consistently for the last two years or so. We started with mutual interests and slowly been moving to more personal conversation. She lives far away and I don’t really know how to approach moving beyond Facebook messaging to something more. She is definitely interested, keeping up deep conversation months after I thought our messaging was over. I know I lack self confidence and I think I am letting our long distance convince me that I shouldn’t do anything more. Any advice?

    Thanks again for your website.

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