A lot of people have been contacting me to help them get their ex back. So I thought I would deliver the goods! Some of you might have already read my more in-depth article on how to get you ex back. But, today, I have an article that is solely devoted to texting your ex back. I’m going to outline a few text messages to send to your ex-girlfriend to win her back. So let’s get started.
“For the vast majority of cases, your best chance at winning your ex back will involve using “No Contact.”
–Brad Browning, Breakup Expert
Okay, so first of all let’s cover some things to avoid when texting your ex. First, avoid texting her right after the breakup. This is one of the biggest texting mistakes you can make.
Give her and yourself some room to breathe. Don’t blow up her phone with sappy messages saying how much you miss her or beg her to take you back! Avoid sending her mean messages telling her that you never loved her anyways or that she isn’t all that pretty and that you prefer your ex before her. This is just adding fuel to the fire and will make getting back together that much more difficult.
Avoid the how’s it going text. You know, “Hey, how have you been?” text. That’s a dull and forgettable message that she will probably skim over and one that warrants a one-word answer. In order to get your ex back, you need to excite her again. You need to create that feeling that if she doesn’t hear from you soon, she will scream, if not cry!
The next thing to cover is when to text your ex and that is ideally after you have completed a one month period of no contact. The rule of absence.
What is the rule of absence?
I’m glad you asked. I’ll briefly outline it for you. The rule of absence is to become absent in your ex’s life for a period of about a month or so where you have zero contact with your ex.
That means no phone calls, no texting, no emailing, no sliding into her dms, no matching with her on Tinder, no liking her Instagram pictures, no watching her Snap Chat stories, no commenting on her Facebook pictures or connecting through Facebook messenger.
This is important because it gives your ex space to miss you and to heal from the breakup, and it also lets you get some clarity on the situation for yourself. You know that saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
The rule of absence allows your ex to romanticize your past relationship and have more positive, happier thoughts on the matter. Not ones of resentment or sorrow. This gives you each time to heal any wounds that your breakup caused.
Have a Clear Goal:
It’s important to have a clear goal in mind and work towards that. Do not get side tracked or take short cuts! They will work against you and all your hard work. And your goal is not to talk to her for a month, which might drive her crazy, but, in the end, that will create an anticipation in her to want to hear from you.
The best time to start texting your ex back is after the no contact period when enough time has passed that your emotions are at bay and seeing her won’t make you sweat off an entire stick of deodorant.
Reason and logic have no place right after a breakup. People do some crazy things when they get dumped. They are ruled by emotions, not reason. I know it; I’ve seen it and experienced it first-hand. To avoid looking like a stalker, take this time for yourself.
(Even if she messages you sometime along the month of no contact. Around week 2-3. You can’t respond. So this will drive her crazy and make her check her phone waiting for you to respond. You’re essentially gaining the upper hand.)
The first text message: The Reminder.
Okay, picture this: you haven’t texted your ex for a month. That’s four weeks. You can’t just jump in after radio silence and say, “Hey, Claire! How have you been?” The girl in this scenario is named Claire. This won’t excite Claire. Your text message should be where you ask her something that will remind her of a fond memory.
For example, “Hey Claire, I’m just wondering if you can remember the name of that ghost town we stumbled upon a few months back? Taking a friend there and can’t remember the name for the life of me! Thanks J”
Or, it can be something simple.
“Hey Claire, just re-watched the first season of Friends, and it made me think of the time we binged out on almost the entire series that time we were both sick! Made me think of you. Hope you’re well. J”
This has to be about a fond memory. I know being sick isn’t that glamorous, but it was a time when you were together. So you’ve got two texts that remind her of the two of you together.
The first is one that asks her to recall a certain place—the question. The other is a comment with a subtle question. The “this made me think of you text. And I hope you’re doing well.” This one warrants a friendly, “Thanks, I’m great! How are you?”
Always remember your goal. And that goal is to come across as happy, confident, and have accepted the breakup.
In getting your ex-girlfriend back over text, there is no space to tell her how much you’ve missed her. You need to keep your composure and work on re-attracting her, which leads us to our next text, the exciting one!
Text number two: Excite her
Your next text, after you’ve reminded her of a fond memory, should be something conversational. Or something upon which to build a conversation.
For example, “OMG! Did you just watch the season finale of Game of Thrones!? Can you say cliff hanger??”
“OMG, did you see how massive that protest was on campus today?”
“Woah, that new pub you’ve been wanting to go to down town is finally opened! I went, and it was so cool!”
All of these text messages are intended to be light and not carry any baggage. When you’re trying to get your ex back, there is no place to rehash the past and try to solve every problem that your old relationship had.
That is why, right now, like at the beginning of any new relationship, you are just trying to spark her interest and let your personality shine through by having some fun. And that can be through letting her know that cool things are happening in town that you know she likes. Or just sending her funny YouTube videos or memes.
You could even start Snap Chatting her interesting/funny things you see. But, and this is a very important but, you need to space out your text messages. Just because you two are talking again, this doesn’t mean you can text her incessantly.
Know when to end the conversation and that is on a high note. Let her know you have to run to be somewhere. Don’t let the conversation lag to a point where no one is talking. End it and say, “I gotta run, but I’ll chat to you later.”
While you’re trying to get your ex back, you need to leave her wanting more of you, and for more information on that head over to www.katespring.com/exback where you can watch a free video presentation on how to make your ex obsess over you.
The third text: The Favor.
The favor hopefully leads to a hangout. After you have used the previous two texts, it’s important that you have built up a rapport. That you can casually have some conversations without it being a big deal and that you keep your emotions at check.
For the favor, you need to have a favor that isn’t too grand. One that would be easy for her, but require you to meet up in person.
For example, “Hey Claire, I’m repainting my house, because I’m colour challenged, and I was wondering if we could grab coffee and you could look at my swatches. My mother is trying to convince me that beige in the new yellow…. Help!”
Women love to be needed; they are nurturers. And if you and your ex have had enough space apart to heal after the breakup, she will be more inclined to help you. And excited to do so.
Okay, now don’t worry if you’re not re-painting your house. Please don’t start painting your house just because you want to see her. Another example would be, if you’re in school, “Hey Claire, I remember that you were good with writing papers and citing your sources, mind meeting me for coffee and looking over mine?” Or “Hey Claire, can I pick your brain on the cheapest way to get from here to Amalfi? Coffee, my treat?”
These are three very simple text messages to send your ex to reintroduce communication. It is so important that you keep in control of your emotions because you don’t want to come across as being too clingy, needy, available and/or desperate.
You want to show your ex how much you have improved since the breakup. Seeing people do so well after a breakup is attractive. It’s the number one strategy in getting your ex back.