When my male clients come to me, they are usually confused, exhausted, and down on themselves. They’re tired of failing in their dating lives, and even more tired of being confused by women and the signals that they are sending. It all really comes down to a miscommunication. Men and women are vastly different; our expressions are often running perpendicular to each other as opposed to parallel. So when men come to me, they come because they are tired of being confused and not understanding women. And that’s fair. And that’s why I’ve written this article for you, to help you understand more fully some of the things that women want men to know.
Recently, some of my male clients have been asking me about what do women really want from men. And I thought long and hard about this and have consulted many women and have compiled the most common things that women want men to know. Three female clients have allowed me to use their names and their advice for men that is the most common amongst women in general.
Here are three pieces of advice from women:
Jillian 27 from Calgary, AB:
Jillian’s main concern was for men to be present. What she means here is to get off your cellphone. This is what Jillian wrote to me:
“Hi Kate, I’ve been single for about a year and a half and am actively looking for a guy, but I am having a hard time finding someone who gives me priority over their phone.
I was recently on a date with this guy named Ben. At first, he seemed like such a catch, he approached me at the dog park; he asked for my number, and we texted for three days before we met for coffee. At coffee, he had his phone on the table with the screen facing down and the ringer on just loud enough for the both of us to hear. Just loud enough that if you were sitting at the table next to us you probably couldn’t hear it. I asked if he needed to go to tend to some work, but he said no and just continued to smirk at his phone and continued to pick it up every time it buzzed, which was a lot! I just felt kind of useless being there with him not really paying attention to our conversation.”
I told Jillian that I thought that that was extremely brutal and that that should maybe be a clear indication that this guy cares too much about himself and his social life and that her time would be better spent focusing on someone or something else.
I’ll repeat her point here because women want to feel like they are important and what they have to say has value to you, and, at the very least, be worthy of your undivided attention. You don’t always have to agree with a girl you date, but you should give her the respect to give her your attention, especially if you were the one who initiated the date.
Putting your phone away during a date is a sign of respect. Even if you have been dating someone for a long time, it is still a good practice to turn your phone on silent and focus on the one that you are with. Turn your phone on silent, or on vibrate so that only you know when your phone is going off and then go to the bathroom and check it. But don’t spend the majority of your time together on your cell phone. Women take offence to this. And as relationships progress, this is one of those things that is a hindrance to communication between partners. But that’s for another topic.
Our next piece of advice is from Katie.
Katie 25 from Vancouver, BC:
Katie’s main piece of advice to men is to take the initiative. And when I asked her to explain, she said that when she starts seeing a guy, she feels like she is always the one initiating the hangout. And she feels like that is all they are, just hanging out. Never a date.
As my conversation with Katie went on, I started to understand that what she wants from men is to be wanted. By that I mean that she wants a man to put effort into dating. She doesn’t want to feel like the one that is doing all the work and that they are together because he has nothing better to do.
I completely agree with Katie. I think having an ability to plan something with the woman you like speaks volumes. It shows many things; it shows that you have listened to her wants and desires and that you know the kinds of activities she likes. It shows that you put effort into making your schedules align so that you can spend time together. This also shows that you respect her time in that you wanted to plan something in advance and she is important to him.
For example, say your crush likes hiking. My suggestion to you would be to plan a little hiking trip. Even just for a quick hike up a mountain, but pack some snacks and or a little wine for the top. That will show her that you care and that you put effort in to spending time with her. Again, it shows that she is important and the time that you share together is also special.
Plan something that gives you quality time together as opposed to sitting in front of a screen watching a movie not talking.
If you remember anything from Katie’s advice, that is to take initiative and to plan!
Jessica 29 from Walnut Creek, CA:
Jessica’s advice for men is to remember the little things. When a man remembers small details about a woman, whether it be her interests, her favorite things, or just her preference of how she takes her coffee, that says a lot to a woman. It says that you pay attention; it says that you care, and it makes her feel good about herself in that she has made an impact on you to remember such things.
Remembering little details goes a lot farther than a lot of grand gestures. Remembering small details like her favorite coffee shop. For example, say you were walking down town and you text her that you just walked by her favorite coffee shop and it made you think of her. Or say you’re dating, and you know your girl is coming over and you’re getting groceries to make dinner, why not pick up her favorite candy and see how she reacts. She might not express outwardly, but, internally, she is taking note that you thought about her and remembered one of her more insignificant preferences.
Jessica said that she knew when the guy she was dating really liked her was when he dropped by her work one day and brought her a coffee. A soy latte with one packet brown sugar to be exact, from the coffee shop in which she likes to spend her free time reading. That was when she knew that he cared and he paid attention to the little things in her life that make her happy.
In conclusion, all of these things are pretty easy, right? Yes, they are. These small gestures make women feel appreciated, considered, and wanted. I know women can be confusing, and they are because they, too, are unsure of what they really want sometimes, but you can never go wrong with respecting someone. So I hope that these three girls’ advice helps you in your future endeavors!
Until next time,