5 Ways to Immediately Improve Your Dating Game

Very few people would honestly classify themselves as confident and comfortable daters. But dating is a like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.

If you’re feeling totally lost and confused out in that big sea of men and women trying to find love, relax; you’re not alone. With dating comes seduction and building attraction, and these muscles aren’t developed overnight, but I’ve got five steps to help you immediately improve your dating game.

Here are those five ways:

#1 Charisma:

Charisma is that thing that some people have that is compelling to others that makes them attractive to be around. Charisma is also another muscle that you can exercise to strengthen your dating game.

man laughing with his hand to his faceWays to do this are, first, know the energy that you are putting out there. Whatever you feel inside is what you give off. If you’re shy and/or insecure, this is the energy you give off. If you’re happy and excited, this is the energy you will give off, which is the most attractive and contagious one to be around. Just like smiling and laughter are contagious, so, too, is energy. And you want to bring it up not down.

Some ways to make sure that you are going out with some positive energy is to exercise more. Spend time with people that add value to your life, and they don’t drain your energy. Because if you only hang out with energy vampires, you will eventually become one. So keep good company.

And like I said before, charisma is a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes.

#2 Be Open:

As the title suggests, this one is pretty open, but here I specifically mean have an open body posture. For years, psychologists have studied how when someone crosses their arms, legs and slouches, it means that they are intimidated. Being closed off like that also could indicate that you’re nervous, and it makes you look small. And in dating, for men, it is important to get big. And I’m not talking about pumping yourself full of protein and hitting the gym, unless that’s what you want. No, I’m talking about making yourself big in terms of your presence.

There is a correlation between confidence and open body postures.

Try this: sit in a chair with your legs crossed and your arms crossed, and slouch. How do you feel? Do you feel like you’re confident and ready to get up and go approach women? My guess is probably not.

Now try this: stay seated and uncross your legs and arms and sit up straight. If there is another seat beside you, rest your arm on the back of it. How do you feel? I’m guessing you feel pretty good right now. This type of body posture, where you make yourself big, means you aren’t afraid to take up space and have a presence. It is a sign of confidence. The more time you spend getting big, the more confident you will feel.

man with arms crossed looking nervous

Now, you’re probably wondering what this has to do with dating. The truth is it has everything to do with being perceived as a confident potential love interest.

For women, confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a man can have. If you are not actually confident, try making yourself big for a few minutes a day, and soon enough your faking it will make women want you.

At first, dating might seem like an other-oriented activity, when, in actuality, it is a path of self-discovery. The more time you spend bettering yourself, the more attractive you will become. So, for my next point, focus on yourself.

#3 Spend Time on Yourself:

When you spend time on yourself, exercising, trying new things and spending time with different people, you open yourself up to endless possibilities. If your previous dating life has been unsuccessful, after now having spent some time figuring out what you do and don’t like, you might also learn that the type of woman you used to go for might not actually be the only type of woman for you.

When you open yourself up to new possibilities and start focusing on yourself, as opposed to only focusing on getting a date or getting laid, you begin to attract people.

Remember, a man who has a rich life outside of dating and work is seen as more confident and in control by women. This is the number one way to avoid coming across as desperate.

Spend time on yourself to make your life as interesting and fulfilling as possible, and you’ll be shocked at how your interactions with women begin to change for the better.

#4 Approach Women with an Authentic Interest:

Pick up lines have their purpose, and there is a time and place for them. If you feel confident enough in your conviction, then go for it. But if that isn’t your thing, then I recommend you approach women that you’re attracted to with an authentic interest.

This type of approach takes bravery and is the best stepping stone upon which to build any relationship. Your goal here is to be sober and to approach a woman you like with sincerity. My male clients have said that this works a thousand times better than approaching a woman with a cheesy pick up line.  It takes bravery, but make sure you approach the woman you’re interested in soberly. As well, approach her with a genuine and authentic interest in her.

man and woman sitting on a couch together and the man is slowly approaching the woman

You can do this by complimenting her, but make sure the compliment isn’t, “Omg! You’re so hot!” That is unoriginal. Look for something not so obvious about her that you like. And you’re well on your way to improving your dating game! And, remember, the more practice you get, the better you will be at it, so don’t fear rejection!

#5 Let Her Chase You:

Women can play hard to get, and sometimes they do it because they like you, and sometimes they do it because they don’t. If she is playing too hard to get by not responding to text messages and blowing you off, then I’d suggest she’s not interested, and you should move on.

But, sometimes, women play hard to get because they want to be chased. But the chase goes both ways. Women also want to chase you; it keeps us interested if you don’t completely fawn all over us right away. When you do this, we have, in a sense, won and will want to move on to someone who challenges us and makes us chase them.

Women want to chase you. They will quickly pass through you if you don’t challenge them in any way and you give them whatever they want. Let them get away with essentially “murder.” If you really want to keep a woman engaged and make her want you too, don’t fawn all over her. Let her come to you a little bit. I promise you that this is something that keeps women around! We also want to work for it. The chase is exciting, and we want to have an active role in it too.

If you give them a try, I promise these five tips will improve your dating life significantly! Good luck and happy dating!


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  • Hi Kate! I just recently met this girl on Tinder and we hit it off pretty quickly with consistently chatting one another. I recently asked her for her number and we’ve been texting quite a bit as well. I always leave room throughout the day to save some of our conversations and have taken your advice on being productive as to seem like your not always so readily available.

    What I wanted to ask you though is that, since we have texted at least once everyday, I want to use your advice of getting her to chase me a bit too instead of possibly falling into the “basic everyday texting routine”. If I decide not to text her on a certain day, how long should I wait to either text her again or allow her to reach out to me? Any information would be great! Love your book!


    • You’re doing great Vito! Giving it a day or two would be good enough. Not replying right away is almost always effective but chances are, she’s gonna reach out to you within this period, so be careful not to overdo it as she might take it the wrong way and think you’re not interested. Just dangle enough to make her want more of your attention, and wonder what you’re doing when not talking to her. The goal is to make her think about you so much, that she’ll be attracted to you before she even knows it. Good luck! 😉

  • So there’s this girl I started officially going out with on this previous Sunday, we met again on Wednesday the following week. Everytime I talk to her m so tempted to ask if we can meet and I don’t wanna seem needy.

    How do I know that she will chase me? I dont want to be the only one who keeps asking for a date.

    • It all depends on her attitude. Some women take the initiative, while others wait for the guy to make the first move. At this point, you’re the best person to know if she falls on the former or the latter. Best thing to do would be to put a considerable amount of time in between your dates, like maybe a week or two before asking to hang out again. There’s a good chance that she’ll miss you and will ask to meet up. I’s a bit risky though. She might lose interest, thinking you’re not putting in much effort to your relationship, so think carefully before making your move.

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