The Bad Boy: Why Women Love Them (And How to Become One)

I should make something very clear before we get going: this article will not teach you how to mistreat women, or give you instructions about how to be a douchebag (which are stereotypical characteristics of the bad boy).

However, in this article, you can expect to learn how to become the bad boy that women want, but in the best way possible.

Keep reading and you’ll understand what it is about the bad boy that turns women on.

And, you’ll know how to implement these skills into your dating world without compromising yourself and becoming a dick.

Relationships work best when both parties make each other happy, and they fail miserably when they are neglected and cause jealousy and resentment.  Before we get into our solutions, it’s important to understand why women go for the bad boy.

Why Do Women Love A “Bad Boy”?

Ok, some people think women are attracted to the bad boy because we have daddy issues. And while that is a thing, without getting too heavy, a lot of women, if they have poor relationships with their fathers, always seek that kind of negligent love in their boyfriends. And that is one reason why women go for the bad boy.

bad boy text message meme

Sometimes, however, it has absolutely nothing to do with someone’s father. Sometimes women go after the unattainable bad boy because they want to be the reason that he changes or like I mentioned earlier, they are nurturers and they want to, in a sense, save a bad boy from himself.

But people don’t change unless THEY want to or the incentive is big enough. The bad boy is also the face of a person who would rather not commit to a relationship. So there are many types of bad boys and girls also

respond to them differently.

Reason #1: He holds the power.

The bad boys usually hold the power because they tend to care the least. And it’s in the sense that they are so detached from their feelings that they can take a girl or leave her. And for a girl, this means he holds the power in the relationship, which causes her to chase him. That is a strong imbalance of power.

The woman who is secure in herself won’t really deal with the bad boy. Some relationships, especially those based on power, have turned into a nasty game of who can care the least. It is an act of self-preservation, one that does not bode well for a lasting or loving relationship. This is so because the focus of the relationship is on who holds the power and it is not on respecting one another.

Reason #2: Women are socially constructed to want to “fix” a man.

The bad boy trend is also a cultural phenomenon that the movies and popular culture have enforced and, in the process, taught girls to have unrealistic expectations about relationships. It also encourages the dangerous thought that you should get into a relationship to change the person.

Change can happen, but the best piece of advice I have ever gotten was to never get into a relationship with someone for its potential. If you do, you will find yourself let down because what you see is usually what you get.

Reason #3: Confidence is sexy.

If a woman is going after the bad boy, she is attracted to his confidence and is also looking for him to boost her self-confidence. Not always the best thing to do. Sometimes we can lack self-esteem; we’re extremely human that way. But the number one reason why we are attracted to the bad boy is that he gives off a feeling of confidence and power. Not like Harry Potter power, but power in the sense that he is confident enough in himself to not care what other people think about him.

Women are psychologically drawn to powerful men who know what they want. The alpha male. Confidence is generally connected to the alpha or he has a very good at faking his confidence.

Reason #4: Women are nurturers.

Alright, another thing to understand about the allure of the bad boy is that women are by nature nurturers. That is why when we meet a man who seems damaged, misunderstood or brooding, we want to help him. Even if it is just his way to get into our pants. This can be a psychological mind bender. We want to feel needed, and the bad boy is just the easiest form of that. He is the hurt puppy we want to cuddle.

We feel a need to fix the bad boy, or we want them to change for us. This is a highly romanticized vision of love that we have all strived for at some point in our lives. Something that girls don’t either know about themselves or want to own up to is the fact that some of us are afraid of intimacy.

The reasons as to why we are afraid of intimacy vary, but, usually, nice guys aren’t afraid of commitment; however, sometimes women are. If we are that type of woman, being with the bad boy is the easiest way to avoid our commitment issues. The bad boy doesn’t want to commit and, subconsciously, sometimes, neither do we.

Reason #5: Bad boy = Adventure.

The bad boy also gives off an adventurous vibe that is very appealing to girls. This presents itself in a way that shows that he doesn’t care what other people think about him, which, again, comes back to confidence. So if you take anything from this article, it is that women are attracted to the bad boy for his confidence and power in a situation. But beware: bad boys usually end up in bad relationships because, in the end, there are bad girls, too.

We nurture the tortured soul because we genuinely believe they can change and that they will change if they love us enough. Kind of sad, really, when you think about it.

This is like when young girls are told that when a boy is mean to us it just means that they like us. This is part of the reason why we also have a deep-rooted attraction to be mistreated by the stereotypical bad boy, but, in actuality, we are attracted to their indifferent personality in that they can take a girl or leave her.

How Can You Become The Bad Boy Women Want?

So now you’re wondering how the hell you become the bad boy that women want? Well, it is, actually, really simple; it all boils down to confidence.


We’ve all seen those movies and TV shows about the misunderstood misfit who drives women crazy. I’m talking about the Hans Solos, Ryan Atwoods, and the James Deans. They all have the infamous bad boy persona that has captivated women for centuries.

You want to exude this bad boy energy that drives women wild but without becoming a total dick–a fine balance.

Be Confident

Ok, the number one thing that you can do to become the bad boy that women swoon over, is to be confident. Confidence is tricky because some people have it, some people don’t, and some people fake it super well.

If confidence isn’t one of your strong suits, then I suggest you spend some time cultivating some. Or at least pretend you do. Part of being confident is being calm. By allowing the situation to just be. Limiting your expectations is a good place to start. We never want to seem like we are defeated.

Be Resilient

Another part of being confident is being resilient. When we are resilient we realize that we actually control the situation and our reaction to it.

Say for example that you have just met a woman that you know you like, and you spill your drink on her or near her or on yourself.

Whatever the situation is, don’t freak out. Instead of losing your composure, grab a cloth, offer to wipe it up, or let her do it herself.

Regardless, apologize once and then move on. Be resilient. You could also make a witty joke if it was something you spilled on yourself. Going with the flow is a very attractive quality of the bad boy, and once you employ this attitude into your life, you will be better off for it!

Being resilient is also important in rejection. Rejection happens, but the fear of rejection is worse than rejection itself. So let that slide off of your back.

Let A Girl Chase You

After we’ve mustered up some confidence, the next thing to understand about the bad boy is how they play the game of who cares less. I’m not telling you not to care, no, but the bad boy has this way of always caring the least, which makes women chase him.

I’m not preaching for you to be indifferent, please do care about people and the woman you are pursuing, but it is just how you show it. This just means that you care about yourself a little more than you care about what other people think about you.

You might be wondering why bad boys are so successful in the art of seduction? That is because they have a mentality of take it or leave it. Now this is a good act of self-preservation, but it is really no way to live your life. Some bad boys just have commitment issues so they remain detached from people. Women do this too. So part of being the bad boy is also finding the girl who isn’t afraid of commitment.

Always Look Out For #1… Yourself

Think of yourself as number one. Well, because, it’s your life. You should be number one, especially if you’re single and mingling. You can be respectful and somewhat detached.

You don’t want to waste any one’s time and you especially don’t want your time wasted, so when we make our intentions clear they are hopefully reciprocated or we can just move on. As much as courting and relationships seem like games, it really isn’t. And you would be well advised to curb the games early on, or just move on.

Be Naughty And Nice

My final piece of advice on becoming the bad boy that women want is to achieve an even blend of being naughty and nice.

You want to avoid coming across rude, inconsiderate and hurtful. That might just get you a swift slap across the face.

But, at the same time, you don’t want to be too nice. You still want her to chase you.

With these simple steps you will not only become the bad boy that women fawn over, but you will also become the best, most confident version of yourself.

Be Adventurous

Remember, one of the major appeals of a bad boy is that they’re adventurous.

Have you been meaning to go bungee jumping? Do you want to take a salsa dancing class, but you always tell yourself you’ll do it later in life? Do it now!

The quicker you become comfortable being out of your comfort zone, the more interesting you will be, but, also, you will have an ability to maneuver many different situations that come your way without getting flustered. This confidence will make you instantly more attractive.

Understand Narcissism

The bad boy persona has been studied psychologically, and the consensus is that a bad boy is a male with narcissistic tendencies.

What is a narcissist, you might be asking? A narcissist is just someone with an excessive self interest.

The bad boy narcissist is typically very good at many short-term relationships, but because they are so self-focused, longevity in relationships isn’t something they value or strive for.

What’s The Deeper Appeal of the Bad Boy Image?

At first glance, the bad boy, the narcissist, is desirable. His indifference and high sense of self is very attractive. He is hot; however, women learn, usually through heartbreak, that the bad boy is always looking out for himself. It takes a lot of trial and error for women to understand that the “real” bad boy is not the guy for a relationship.

A bad boy will pursue a woman even if she has a boyfriend. This is part of what makes him more romantic than other guys but can also what makes him potentially offputting or sleazy.

bad boy attracting a girl What is appealing about him is his confidence and his ability to take control of a situation, but, at the end of the day, women really want a man to be kind to her and to desire her too.

Women want the best of both worlds. We want you to have a hard exterior with a gooey soft center. The contrast here can make for powerful sexual tension that we can’t ignore.

We like to be chased, but we also like to do some of the chasing. It makes the relationship more worthwhile when we, too, have to work for it.

Now that you know why women like bad boys and some ways to become the best possible version of one, go forth and date! And I look forward to hearing your success stories! Just remember: put yourself first, be confident, get out of your comfort zone, but, ultimately, be kind.

Good luck!


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