There is a lot of information swarming the internet about how to get a girlfriend. And I wanted to contribute some of the key things that will aid you in finding yourself a long-term relationship. This list is not exhaustive by any means, but it does lay down some of the key factors that take part in attracting a woman and helping you to create some longevity in a relationship. So here are four keys ways to get a girlfriend.
Step #1: Be Open.
My first step to getting a girlfriend is to have an open mind. Get rid of any nit-picky checklist about the type of girl you want to date or reasons why things will never work out. Have standards for yourself, of course, but don’t limit yourself to one type of woman. Sometimes relationships can come out of the most unexpected interactions if you’re open to them.
When I was single, I had a very specific idea of the type of guy I wanted to date, but the best-laid plans often go awry, so I ended up with someone I didn’t picture for myself, which actually turned out for the best!
In being open to who you meet, this also means you don’t have to date your personality twin. There is a lot of research to defend both points that opposites attract and that we need to find someone with similar interests. Either one works depending on what you’re open to. Yes, having the same interests is great! But also being into different things expands your horizons, takes you out of your comfort zone, and maybe introduces you to something that you really enjoy! Remember that saying that goes, “people won’t remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.” And you never know who will make you will feel suddenly alive, important and special.
Step #2: Courtship is Key.
One of the factors that contribute to getting a girlfriend is to take her on real dates. Don’t just Netflix and chill, that’s a booty call and not a date. Put some effort and creativity into your dates. Take her out for an activity and not just going out to get drunk with your buddies.
You could take her out for a walk in the park, or to brunch, or for a picnic. Picnics are a lost art of dating!
I’d say the movies are a bad place to get to know someone. Sitting in a dark room in silence isn’t really an invitation for conversation or to get to know someone. But doing activities takes some of the attention off of both of you and the stress of keeping up a conversation. I think going beer tasting or wine tasting is a hell of a good idea to get you out to try new things and also you usually have some sort of guide taking you around, which can alleviate some of the pressure surrounding the conversation. If you aren’t near places like that, take her kayaking or to a petting zoo, or search out activities online near you.
Do something that you are both interested in or have never tried before. Trying new things, even if it totally bombs, at least you could get a funny story about it. This is a good way to connect with someone, laugh and create memories, even if the experience isn’t perfect. Hopefully, in time, you can laugh at it. Make the date exciting and don’t be afraid to switch up what you do. Throw in a romantic dinner here and there. But be proactive about taking her on dates and building an emotional connection, which links directly to a physical and intimate connection.
Step #3: Pay Attention.
The next step is to be an active listener. Actually, listen to your crush and to people in which you’re interested. It’s a step up for you if you can remember the important things she tells you. Remember names; don’t be one of those d-bags that never remembers her best friend’s name or her sister’s or brother’s, unless she’s got like 12 siblings, then I think you’re allowed to forget a couple.
Women just want to feel like what they say matters and interests you. The point of being in a relationship is to have a friend and to share life’s adventures. And when you listen, really listen, then sharing happens and, in the process, a bond is formed.
Step #4: Get Physical.
The next step in wooing a girlfriend into monogamy is to instigate some body contact. Touching is an essential part of building attraction and simulating tension. And, on the plus side, it’s exciting. Make a point that every time that you greet your girl you hug her and when you say goodbye. Set this as the precedent from the get-go. Humans all have a desire to connect through physical contact.
Another way to touch is to put your arms around her when you’re walking, or just sitting. Don’t be afraid to get close. Touch her arm when she laughs. Pavlov’s theory of classical conditioning suggests that humans can be conditioned to respond in certain ways to different cues. So touching a girl’s arm while she’s laughing will associate laughter, fun, and positive feelings for you. Tickling a woman is one of the oldest tricks in the book. It’s flirty, innocent, and it strengthens social bonds. This involuntary reaction to tickling is imperative.
Brushing up on your crush, gently rubbing her back or shoulder or really any kind of touching feels great and will increase a woman’s desire for you.
Step #5: DTR Define The Relationship.
Once your relationship starts to progress, and you both have developed feelings for each other, it is important for you to maintain some independence. Make sure you maintain your own life. You can be interested in her, and you can still have your own life and hang out with your friends without her. This not only leaves a little space, and a little mystery, in the relationship but also gives you a chance to miss each other.
Some people go head-first into relationships, which usually makes them short lived. When this happens, you don’t have time to establish your boundaries because you are so caught up that you both neglect your needs. You are caught in those first moments of attraction, just excited to be in each other’s presence. But this can harm your relationship in the long run. Having your own life and establishing clear boundaries is one of the best ways to maintain a healthy relationship.
It’s very hard to establish boundaries when you are 6 months or a year into a relationship. But if you have your own life and some space, boundaries get easier to establish. Women neither want you to give up your life for them and/or your friends. Nor do they want to give up their lives and their friends. Maintain a balance between having alone time with her, but also spending time apart.
By this point, if you’ve gotten to a place have gotten to a place where you are seeing someone, it’s time to ask the big question if you are exclusive or not. It’s never safe to assume that you and someone else are on the same page. It’s always best to have the conversation to define the relationship. If it doesn’t happen naturally, then the conversation can be as simple as you just introducing her as your girlfriend, or a “hey, I just wanted to make sure that our relationship was exclusive.”
Once you’ve defined the relationship then you have achieved your goal of finding a girlfriend.