Hey Guys! I’m Kate Spring, Dating and relationship coach from Victoria, BC. I’ve been asked this question a lot lately about why women lose interest in men. I’ve thought long and hard over this and talked to my girlfriends and also tried to remember why I, personally, have lost interest in men in the past. And I think I’ve come up with a few reasons as to why women start to lose interest in the initial stages of a budding romance.
I think one reason why a woman loses interest in a man is if her rose-colored glasses fall off. And she realizes that she doesn’t appreciate some of his manners. One of those reasons can be rudeness. Rude to customer service people, to her, to anyone, really. If this is the case, and your rudeness is an unsuccessful attempt to be funny, I might suggest you work on a type of humor that doesn’t bring people down in order to get a laugh.
I know there is that old saying that nice guys finish last, but don’t be mistaken as to how far being kind to your love interest will go. Having an ability to make light of situations and not get attached to your expectations will work wonders for you, I promise.
You might be wondering what I mean by this. Here’s an example: say you and your girl are on a date. And say you go to a restaurant that doesn’t have any record of your reservation. Instead of causing a fuss and being rude to the hostess or manager, use your well-polished problem solving skills and ask to sit at the bar. Or you could say to her, “Hey! Let’s try this other great little spot down the street” or better yet, say, “Hey, let’s go to the grocery store and I’ll cook for you.” Either of these options is better than being rude to someone.
And remember that circumstance does not create your character; it simply allows it to be revealed.
Ok, another thing that causes women to lose interest is when you’re indecisive. Having an opinion is sexy. Period. And asserting yourself respectfully is a real panty dropper. So if you are indecisive about things like where to eat dinner, what movie to watch, where to go, what you want to do, this creates an indecision that wastes both time and energy.
The result is that more time is spent in indecision than in having fun. Having an opinion, and making a decision, is better than not having one.
One thing that directly correlates to being indecisive is becoming complacent in your budding relationship too early on, or complacent at all. We all become comfortable at some point in a relationship and settle into a routine, which is not always a bad thing. It’s just that women like to be wanted, as do men! And that has to do with nice messages, being physically affectionate, still trying to the impress the other person.
Say you have finally asked your crush to be your girlfriend, and she said yes! Just because we have this mutual agreement doesn’t mean we can take the other for granted. On the contrary, now is when the fun and hard work starts to pay off.
My sister recently reminded me of another, early relationship killer, and she calls it smothering. Smothering comes in many forms. It may be excessive texting, and/or calling, and hanging out to the point where you don’t have the chance to miss the other person. All of these fit the description. Part of relationship excitement involves the chase and building tension. There is a real benefit in gradually getting to know one another.
I think women lose interest when they feel smothered. Being eager is not a bad thing, but a little mystery at the beginning stages keeps things light and fun. So when you are really into a girl, yay! But try to find a balance between showing your interest and letting things happen naturally — and not all at once.
Ok, another reason why women lose interest is when someone is all talk. When your intentions don’t match your actions. I was taught very early on never to get into a relationship for its potential. This is another way of saying, what you see or hear is what you get. Being all talk and no action is not the best way to start a meaningful relationship.
Talk is cheap; the supply always exceeds the demand. Put your words into action because words create expectations. And when women are presented with unmet expectations, we find ourselves let down and often times are no longer interested in the man with no follow through.
And lastly, one of the inevitable reasons why women lose interest in a man is because she just realizes that maybe you aren’t meant to be together, and that’s okay. Often we are first physically attracted to someone, and lust is a powerful force that can make us do some pretty crazy things. But when that begins to fade, we may be left questioning if we have similar interests, the same goals, aspirations and values.
At this point, we may also start to realize that our intimate encounters would be better left as a fling. This is one of those things that happens and why resilience is key in relationships and a must in your personal arsenal of coping mechanisms.